Tag Archives: fear

Cancer Out of my Hands

As a play on and tribute to Harvey Pekar’s wonderful graphic novel, Our Cancer Year, this is the first of many posts about My Cancer Year, (ooh…. a new tag….). This is an updated version of a post I wrote … Continue reading

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Fear…. of Dying

Once again, she has been given a clean bill of health, although with cancer that never means anything (you are only pronounced cured of cancer when you die of something else). – Ken Wilber, Grace & Grit So…. Here is … Continue reading

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One Hundred and Sixty One

So I wrote this at the beginning of August of last year, or you know, 161 days before today. (In my mind, this was going to be published on Jan 1, which was exactly 150 days from when I wrote … Continue reading

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Writer’s block, the Immobility of Illness, and Where to go from Here

Ever since my surgery last October, I have been fairly silent here. Not totally, but enough to have made me wonder: will I ever update my blog again? This was by no means for lack of want or even effort. … Continue reading

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Sometimes, Good News Changes Everything

I loitered in my room a bit longer than I ever should have. Well, if I was planning to make my appointment on time. To say I was nervous about what I was going to hear would be quite the … Continue reading

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Tapping the Spine

In my mind I can not think of a spinal tap with out thinking of ouroboros. It not just that they are removing these primal fluids from your back, which I think of as akin to embryonic fluid, its that … Continue reading

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The Big C?

Getting the News: In his Thai inflected English, he said, “it looks an feel cancer.” as he pinched the ping pong ball sized growth under my right arm. It hurt and brought tears to my eyes as he squeezed it. … Continue reading

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Remission, Just a Fools Game, part 3

Part 1 Part 2 After spending a whole day bemoaning the return of unwanted interbody hostilities, where I rejected even the most basic notion of getting out of bed, I used Friday to find some sort of escape for the … Continue reading

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Remission, Just a Fools Game, part 2

Part 1 Like being stuck watching an awful sequel to a movie that you never even wanted to see in the first place, my Lupus is back. I got the news late last Wednesday night. And after five days of … Continue reading

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Remission, Just a Fools Game, part 1

There is a song, that I am sure most of you have heard, by Bonnie Tyler called It’s a Heartache. I feel these lyrics infinitely capture my last week: “It’s a heartache/Nothing but a heartache/Hits you when it’s too late/Hits … Continue reading

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