Well somehow in my crafting that last piece over 3 computers and 2 devices, in a few word processing programs, etc etc, I seemed to l have left out a few things I had wanted to add, and a few things I at one time did add, or at least am sure I did, no I swear….. (even if i can not find it anywhere). So, this will be a repository for those thoughts, though arranged a bit more haphazardly than I enjoy.
At no point do I want to discount the immunotherapy in my success. I am not so arrogant that I refuse to see that while it did not work long term for me, it did not start me out on a road to recovery, a return to health.
And while I have my suspicions, I will never truly know if my nutritional/meditative/intentional treatment plan would work for me all on its own. And to be perfectly honest; also, I am MOST unwilling to go back and try all over again….
This worked today for me. And frankly it worked not just through intention and diet, it worked because I was supported by friends in the most awesome ways.
I dedicate this song to all my friends. I love you all. a lot lot lot.
I say this because I am 100% sure that without this support I would not have been successful. When you are doubted, it influences you. You can feel it, just like when someone stares at you from across the room and you feel them peering into your soul. To me this is the energy of doubt, and it vibrates at a frequency that dissolves intention.
What exactly am I getting at, you ask? I go back to saying, this worked for me today. I have no idea if it would work for anyone else or even if I could replicate it again. But I would certainly tell someone what I did and how I got from A to B, if, and this is a big IF, they asked me.
I do not want to wear this like testimony. I will not proselytize this, outside of telling my story. I will surely never tell someone deep into a treatment that it did not work for me. (For some reason when people hear you are ill, and specifically if you have a type of cancer, they want to tell their story/experience with it. Even if it is second hand. Even if it is unhelpful. Even if… Actually especially then. At least for me, 95% of the time this does not help.)
This is what I am really getting at. If you ever take anything away from me, please make it this: When someone is deciding on a treatment option for anything, if they ask you specifically, that is the time to express concern for choices and why you may favor one over another. But once someone you know has chosen a path, your job as a friend/support/wtfever is to leave the energy of doubt outside and believe they will get better, especially if they have opted for a type of treatment you would not have.
Medicine is personal.
Anytime someone is forced with making a choice that will affect their health it is a defining, life altering choice. And if my experience is anything like others, it is nothing one decides on lightly.
And again, once one has made their choice it demands respect. Doubt destabilizes, support nurtures. And trust me, when mending, support is vitally important, even if just a digital hand to hold via skype. I simply CANNOT emphasize this enough.
Boiled down: every person needs the space to heal, and in that space they will decide what is right for them, and again, i cannot state this emphatically enough: support that choice like it is your job, the air you breathe, etc etc.
The day I did my lab work after the 150 day experiment, I treated myself to pad see ew, large fried rice noodles sort of like pad thai. I had not had them for well over the 150 days, and since they have been a very regular staple of my Thailand diet (well minus the past 150+ days…), it was a treat I was allowing myself (as ingesting them would no longer influence the results). I actually started anticipating it a month or so before. And during that time, lets just say my mouth watered quite a bit just thinking about it, knowing in a few short days a plateful would be mine (yes, i guess avarice really is a thing, huh?).
And yet, when I put the first warm, wide rice noodle in my mouth, well lets just say the presumed fireworks did not go off. In the proverbial way, it was misfire, a complete and utter dud, just like those unpopped firecrackers my friends and I would search out ever so early in the morning on July fifth, hoping against all expectations that the holiday could be extended a little longer, even if just for one pop. So yeah… it was not love at first taste all over again. It was major effing disappointment.
After this I did not wind up planning any sort of ‘treat’ after I got the results back. I did plan on celebrating, but as I stated before, I was unsure just how much I would be celebrating. And when I did go out to that celebratory dinner, though I had not planned on it, I ordered what came natural to me: lemongrass tea and an avocado salad (or you know, pretty much what I had consumed by the kilo over the course of my experiment). It was not till sometime the next day that I realized this. And frankly, I see this as nothing less than my total immersion into the healing/mending process.
I had wondered how much I would change these healthy habits, this regime of mending, rebuilding, etc etc, “if i healed myself.” And this just really brings it home. Sometime early last year I was emailing with someone (forgive me if it was you, I do not remember exactly who) back and forth about how I had spent so many years as a vegetarian (it will be 3 decades next year) and thought that was doing enough to ensure my health. Oh how wrong I was….
I have read many times that it takes 10, 15, 21, or whatever number to change a behavior into a habit. And well, after this 150 day experiment (this really needs a name, as writing 150 day experiment over and over again makes me feel a bit too much like a lab animal, anyone have something better?), I can honestly say, I have established a new way. My diet has dramatically changed, well insofar as it is anti-acid foods, cancer and other diseases grow in acidified cellular environments. And while I have reduced my daily meditation time to 2ish hours rather than 3, this is really my only major modification of my aforementioned plan. While I am not following the diet with absolute religious devotion — I’m letting myself have noodles or bread, in very short quantities, every so often — I am using the target of eating only alkaline foods 95% of my diet. And still drinking green juices in volume enough to occasionally make my pee turn Kermit the Frog green.
In all, this 150 day effort has been transformative in so many ways, and I certainly feel like a better person all around. And weller.