Morphine is a hell of a drug. I had a dream that dogs with zebra heads for legs – yes, mouth where the feet should be – were chasing me. I had a name that I yelled at them, but no longer have any idea what it was I called them. It also destroys an y sort of an appetite.
Lymph node removal, no matter how simple and fun it may sound, is anything but fun.
They found another tumor growing under my arm and decided to rip out the whole lymph node system there. Now, until I can exercise it regularly, I will have to get it drained every three or four days. I will spare you what this looks and feels like. Just know you want to avoid it.
I came back to my guest house just over 24 hours after my surgery (20.10.11) and proceeded to not leave guest house till today (27.10.11). I spent 95% of my time flat on my back on strict bed rest.
When I underwent chemo, I spent three weeks on bed rest. I also had no desire to leave. By day four this time, I was erupting to move and get out. The general pain and difficulty of moving stopped this desire till today, where I went to eat and walked around the block.
The more disgusting thing during this whole time: while on my very slow walk today, I saw advertised coffee banana shake. Please note, I watched them drain lymphatic fluid from my arm this week as well.
For reasons I do not understand, even though they only removed two tumors from my groin and not the whole lymphatic system, my leg hurts a lot more than my arm. Even a week later.
I am typing this whole thing one handed as my right arm is still quite incapacitated.
Properly putting on my leg brace one handed is nearly as futile as Wile E Coyote’s pursuit of the road runner.
I am well on my way to ambidextrousness.
Combing one’s hair with one’s left hand… lets just say I really do not advise it.
Sadly, Gravity’s Rainbow is no easier to read while you are high on opiates than if you are stone cold sober. No one has really read this all, right? I will do my best to get though it all this time. But…
In fact reading anything, well the comprehension part, is fairly impossible while highly dosed on morphine. Now that I am on codeine instead, I can read with far more ease. Still, Gravity’s Rainbow… I hate to admit this, but this book seems far smarter than I.
Not being able to shower from Friday to Monday in ever so humid and muggy Thailand is something that is at least akin to Hell, if not the place outright. I also found out I will not be able to wear deodorant for a month, be glad most of you are at least a continent away — this will not be pretty.
There were many more of these that I planed to write over the past week, only they are now in a morphine induced memory hole, alas. No more opiates for me, please.