Okay. Many of you many not know this about me, but I love to dance.
I am now mostly just a chair dancer due to my stupid leg, but I give every chair I’m in my all and swing about. But when I was in college, as anyone who knew me then can attest to, I was a dancing machine. It was great fun and to be honest the thing I enjoyed most about college.
But sometime after college I stopped. Cold Turkey. I felt I had to grow up and prove I was a proper adult. Dancing fell the way of my coffee and soda drinking: from all consuming habits to locked away for all time.
Except when no one was looking.
I would dance in my apt to the cheerful sounds of pop music and relish the sweat that slipped down my face after I was done. See, dancing was fun. And at some point in my life I had a strange epiphany: fun must not be tolerated.
Is it any wonder I was miserable for so long?
I mean who walls off fun because it is not serious enough? Well, you are looking at him.
So now that this strange, neo-puritanical, impulse is well behind me, I find myself at a place in my life where for the most part I can not do what once brought me such joy. My leg, lack of balance, and cane pretty much prohibit it.
In the past this would have been the end of it and I would have accepted my “fate”. But a few weeks ago, as a certain Pet Shop Boys song skipped though my head, I had another epiphany. Thankfully it was not wearing crazy pants like the earlier “fun = evil” one. No, this one is dare I say full of optimism (I love that every time I try and spell optimism, a bright red line shows up underneath it, almost as if the universe is saying “wait, are you sure this is what you mean, I mean it is you we are talking about here.” Well that and I have the spelling skills of eight week premature aardvark….).
My new epiphany is that where ever I wind up, if not before, I am going to relearn to dance, stupid leg, cane, and all. I am going to find an instructor that will work with me to work on my balance issues and then I am going to be the best three legged dancer I can be.
Now, I do not expect to spend hours at a time on a dance floor ever again. But to allow the music to flow in and inhabit my appendages and shimmy and shake like they mean it…. Well let me tell you, even for one song at a time, It sounds a bit like heaven.
I mean just that one dance I shared with Gaby at the the wedding here in January was bliss, even if it was very awkward and mostly me just leaning on her. But it really made an impression on me. Dance is most needed in my life. And I am going to find a way to bring this about.
We all need a bit more joy in our lives. And while I am sure it may be a bit joyless at times getting there for me — I am looking at you balance issues — the end result already is working at making me more joyful.