Entering a Hyperbaric Chamber…

I am not looking for a cure. They tell me I am incurable.

Every one’s kidneys have a lifespan. Most outlive their host.

Mine will not.

This is fact.

I keep trying not to dwell too much on it. Yeah… it does not seem to be working…

I look to prolong the health of my kidneys and on Monday Feb the 14 I started that process, full tilt. Due to the Oracle of MUNI I embarked on a crash course, six day hyperbaric chamber treatment. “Oxygen will fix your kidneys,” she said. So I will try and use oxygen to fix them.

But fix them is a misnomer. I just want to infuse them with more life. More time.
Traveling has been rougher on my kidneys than expected. Hell, just rougher on me. My GFR rate fell a full three points in December. My first month here. It took it the previous six months for it to fall that much.

So I welcome this potential help ever so greatly. But I am super nervous as well. I could not sleep the night before the treatment began. And getting up on that Monday for a very early train back to Chennai, I almost talked myself out of even trying it. Forgoing what might help me due to fear.

I was literally two minutes away from forgoing the whole affair and going back to sleep. If it was not for that second wake up call I requested, I most likely would not have gone.

You see, I was nervous that it might not work. But I was super nervous that it actually might work.

That’s right. I was more nervous that I might find a way to stave of the decay in my kidneys. I am damn scared of this fact.

Scared of having to once again change my expectations.

Scared of receiving a new lease.

Scared of the promise of something good happening.

Yes, I am more scared it might work than not. How insane is that?

I have been working on ridding myself of the patterns of self destruction/loathing/sabotage for nearly two years now. Apparently I need to ply some more energy to that area.

But I did get up early and I did do my treatment, and it seems as if that crazy old blind woman from San Francisco may have been on to something. Tomorrow I will fill in the good details I’ve gotten since the treatment. The good must last, but I am cautiously optimistic. And equally scared at the same time.

About Randy

I'm just a guy trying to out run his dying kidneys and live life as vibrantly as possible. Until I can't. I grew up in Tejas. Went to school in Vermont. And currently live in Brooklyn. But not for long....
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